Eye Candy
by KiwiDoughnuts
Summary: Kakashi likes people-watching the women in Konoha... but only when it's the right season.


Well, I know it's not Halloween yet... but I didn't feel like waiting to post this in a few days. After all, it's October... That's close enough, right?

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters in Naruto. Said characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

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This is a wonderful time of year. Possibly, my favorite_, was the thought which was continuously running through a silver man's head. Every other thought that crossed his mind only served to provide evidence for this more prevalent notion…

Halloween was the prime gift to all men.

_Really, I love this time of year_. _It's absolutely spectacular_.

The tall, lanky jounin was currently manning his station outside the Anbu Headquarters building. What a peculiar concept, working on the 31st of October... However, even though it was a day for social gathering and merriment, Konoha still needed shinobi to remain on patrol. But then again, who would want to work on Halloween?

The answer would be Hatake Kakashi.

Quite a rather foolish idea, working on such a night where 'mischief' and 'riots' are practically a given, but Kakashi had his reasons.

It was completely necessary that shinobi be on guard duty, but naturally, no one was ever in a hurry to sign up. Ergo, those shinobi who actually volunteered, were able to put in a request for where they wanted to stand on post.

Some pair of volunteers always wanted to work the gate- it was pretty quiet and not very busy, and not to mention, it required to two people. That way, you could pass the time with a friend. And other shinobi requested the stations along the wall- they were remote, peaceful, and a perfect way to get away from the hectic and loud crowds that were stirring about within the village, should you want to.

But there was always a shortage of volunteers, which gave the Hokage a workload to complete; Tsunade often randomly selected the needed quantity of shinobi from a list of chuunin and jounin. This of course, led to much dissatisfaction among those Konoha nins who were picked… Upon receiving notice that they would have to cancel their plans for their Halloween evening, some shinobi would storm into Tsunade's office and demand that their assignment be revoked.

Which caused the blonde Hokage to grumble and scream that they should 'just shut the hell up, because the Hokage never got a day off to begin with and working on Halloween wasn't too big a deal because it's better than Christmas or Valentine's day, which also required patrols.' And don't forget to include a few other choice words.

Needless to say, whoever Tsunade picked, worked that night.

But alas, Kakashi wasn't 'voluntold' to work on Halloween- he signed up willingly. And thus, was granted his requested spot- Anbu HQ. The Copy-nin asked for that particular area every year for his own particular reasons. Anbu's building was well inside Konoha's walls, which made it doubtful any intruder would make it that far. Not to mention, because it was Anbu's HQ, it was second to last place an enemy would go to.

The Hokage Tower being the very last; it was well known Tsunade could handle herself when angered.

The silver-haired man had taken all this into account, and thus knew he would have a relatively easy shift to work. Not to mention, because of working tonight, his name wouldn't be thrown into the raffle for Christmas and Valentine's.

Good deal.

But still, these weren't the reasons for working this particular night and at this particular place.

The heart of Kakashi's reasoning lied in the fact that across the street from the HQ, was the most popular bar and club in Konoha. That's right, where girls would go to have a good time, act silly and irresponsible…

And oh, don't forget.

_It's Halloweeeen_.

Cue the most fantastic gift to all bearers of testosterone in large quantities:

Kakashi watched as a young kunoichi with flaming red hair entered the club wearing a short, short skirt, a corset, and high heels…

He had no idea what she was supposed to be dressed up as, but _who the hell cared?_

It was all about the costumes! The dressing up!

It was like all the women deemed October 31st as the perfect reason to dress sexy as possible while wearing as little clothing as possible.

With stilettos.

_Hellll yeaaah_.

The Copy-nin's mind declared this the perfect holiday, as another girl dressed in diabolically short red shorts, black heels, a red, tight tube top, and with a final addition of some devil horns walked into the bar, as well.

Most men would rather be _in_ the club, with all the half naked women, but not Kakashi. He took the passive approach, preferring to watch and admire from a distance. Besides, later that night, all these women would be making appearances within his mind as he saw fit. That was satisfying enough. After all, there was a reason he read smut instead of getting it on every night.

It was far easier to imagine a pretty, sexy, attractive girl doing things to you, than actually finding one.

A dark eye narrowed at the club.

'_Yes, that's right_,' as he watched the devil-dressed girl start to dance, raising her arms above her head, while swaying her hips. He could see her through the large, clear windows of the club and bar, along with the corset girl, who was rocking her body forward to the music…The girls were sweating mildly, panting slowly, their movements displaying a _need_ for something. He focused on the devil girl's eyes, which had darkened while she danced eroticly to the hypnotic beat of the song…

His imagination would be in full throttle tonight. Excellent.

In all, it was hardly an unknown fact that Kakashi worked on Halloween solely to enjoy village's women wander around in the most revealing outfits possible.

His eye caught something sultry to his left. Indeed, a kunoichi had dressed up as a witch, complete with knee high boots with four inch heels. The jounin almost groaned out loud as she jumped up and down, waving to someone across the street.

Apparently she didn't care that some guy with silver hair and mask standing by Anbu HQ watched her breasts bounce all over while she was hopping.

_Mhmm, how I'd love to rip that oh-so-tight black dress off of you. But keep the witch's hat on…that'd be kinky…_ Kakashi smirked beneath his mask.

Tonight was a gooood night.

But that thought was put on hold for a few moments as a horde of short, little children dressed as princesses, dinosaurs, and clowns and other stupid shit passed by. Less than thrilled at their yelling and screaming about where the next 'Trick or Treat' place was, Kakashi sighed.

Halloween was for adults, in his opinion. In fact, here's how Halloween began in Kakashi's head:

There was a wild orgy. A kinky, rampant, unbridled orgy, involving whips and chains, high heels, and dominatrixes. The children of the parents participating in the orgy interrupted the orgy. The little kids wondered why their mommy and daddy were dressed so weirdly, with high heels, and masks and other stuff. Thus, the parents said they were 'dressing up for a party' because that's about the best excuse they could think of at the moment.

The offspring of said parents accepted this, decided to dress up, too, but were strictly told to go away… far away from the orgy.

And somewhere along the way candy got involved, going door to door, saying 'trick or treat,' and all the other crap. And that's how Hatake Kakashi claimed Halloween was born.

Accept it or Reject it, but the idea was on the table.

A brunette caught the jounin's eye… _Brunette? I think that's not the case tonight_. His inner mind smirked as the brunette saddled across the street, complete with cowgirl hat, boots, vest…

_Aaaanndd chaps. My dear woman, may I say how fine your ass is looking in those black chaps?_

"Kakashi!"

A loud, female voice interrupted his pleasant thoughts about the cowgirl… Unfortunately, he knew that particular voice well enough to tell who the owner was. Glancing to the direction of the yell, he saw his three former students walking toward him.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura stood before him. Naruto had dressed up as his usual Halloween character: a fox. True it was boring, but Naruto claimed that Hinata loved the way he looked in the orange-ish, tan-ish garment, with pointy ears and long tail.

_Is twenty a little old to be dressing like that? Granted his girlfriend thinks it looks cute, but he should at least get a new one… This one is looking pretty sad with all the holes and seams falling apart._

Kakashi glanced to his other male student, who was looking at him with a face of indifference. All Sasuke had done to dress up was throw on a cape over his usual attire. The jounin tried to stifle his laughter. Here was Uchiha Sasuke, in his blue shirt, complete with Uchiha Fan symbol, white shorts, and now, a black cape. He looked utterly ridiculous, but he guessed that this was the most of a costume that the stoic male was ever going to wear.

The Copy-nin turned his gaze to his final, female student, who was adorned in his favorite costume of the trio. Sakura had put on some type of risqué princess costume… Her legs were fully covered in a thin, almost see-through material. The medic's entire abdomen was bare, until her chest, which was practically a bathing suit top. The entire outfit was royal blue, which complemented her pale skin, and atop her head, sat some kind of tiara or crown or silver. Kakashi's eyes wandered back toward Sakura's toned, flat stomach, when he caught himself.

_Bring your eyes back up to her face… NOW. She's your student. Off limits. And she can kill you in a number of unpleasant ways._

He brought his eyes back up to her emerald ones.

"Yo."

"Oi, Kakashi-sensei, you're working again?" Naruto whined. "We're heading over to Ino's party. I heard all the sensei's are going, too. You're so uncool for doing guard duty. _Again_."

Kakashi brought his hand up to rub the back of his head. "Well, you know me. I'm not the party type. More so the loner."

Onyx eyes narrowed as they viewed the street they were on.

"Kakashi," Sasuke began bluntly. "You're watching all the girls in the club, aren't you?"

The silver-haired man couldn't even defend himself against that comment before Sakura began screaming at him.

"You're such a pervert! That's why you're always here every year? To watch the women across the street?" the pinkette shrieked.

Poor Naruto, who was never quick on the uptake, displayed a blank look on his face, indicating he didn't have Sasuke's and Sakura's deduction powers. Sasuke took it upon himself to clarify the matter.

"Dobe," the Uchiha began. "He stands here at Halloween, because he knows girls will show up at the bar, get drunk and do stupid things. Not to mention, look how they're dressed? That's why he doesn't come to Ino's party every year. He's too busy being a pervert from the shadows."

Dawning shined through cerulean eyes. "Ooooh."

Kakashi, however, was not thrilled. "Oi, oi." He glared at them. "What I do is none of your concern. It's not like I don't read porn in front of you, anyway. You should already be hardened against my mannerisms, so why can't I do this?"

"Because it's gross." Sakura grumbled. "Anyway, you suck at Halloween. Even Sasuke dressed up more than you." She pointed out.

The Copy-nin hadn't bothered to dress up at all. He stood in his normal flak jacket, navy blue pants, mask, gloves, and hitae-ite, which covered his eye like usual.

"Clearly," Kakashi drawled out. "I'm wearing an eyepatch. Hence, I'm a pirate."

Naruto wasn't having any of _that_ excuse.

He pointed a finger at his old sensei. "What the hell?" the blonde yelled. "That's not an eye patch! That's your headband! And you don't have a peg leg, striped pants, a bandana, or a sword! And a kunai doesn't count!"

Sakura agreed. "Yeah," the pinkette stated. "You're the worst pirate ever."

The 'lame-ass pirate' returned a grumble, which sounded a lot like, "At least I don't look like a dork in a cape…" while he shuffled on his feet.

Naruto crossed his arms, overhearing Kakashi's mumbling.

"It's true the Teme wore his regular clothes and somehow Sakura managed to get a cape on him, which looks ridiculous… but at least he made an effort." Naruto countered.

Kakashi sighed. Why wouldn't his students just go away? He was here to watch! This street was his zoo, of pretty, scantily-dressed ladies, who were practically _asking_ for men to look at them. And these three rascals were trying to ruin this experience for him.

That was not how it was supposed to go down.

"Kakashi," Sasuke broked the jounin out of his inner rant. "That woman over there keeps looking at you." He pointed across the street.

Immediately excited by the possibility that there was a girl dressed _as perhaps a lifeguard? Oh, I hope so…_ the silver-haired man quickly turned to the direction of Sasuke's pointed finger.

It was another witch, facing him, with underneath a large, brimmed hat, making him unable to see her face. Not being discouraged, Kakashi let his eyes wander elsewhere…

She had on the tightest corset he'd seen tonight, with colors of black and purple, and emphasizing her small waist and large bosom. Her corset lay over a short skirt, of the same color scheme, and atop her knee high boots. The woman's shoulder's were bare, save for her blonde hair which cascaded down over them. And in her hand was a broom, several feet long.

_Oooh, yes, sir. That's what I want._

Excusing himself from his students, he quickly ran over to this beautiful woman. When he approached her, his sharp sense of smell detected roses and some other flowerly scents.

_Mhmm, that sets the mood_.

Standing in front of the witch, he breeched the silence first.

"Hello there, miss. I saw that you were looking at me for quite some time, my lovely lady." Kakashi's one eye darkened slightly.

The woman raised her head up, so that that large brim of her hat no longer shielded her face.

Kakashi's first impression was that she had one _huge, large, massive nose_.

Shrugging it off, he noticed her bright green eyes and small red lips, curved into a smile. Except for that nose, she was beautiful.

"Ma'am, you have the most impressive costume I have seen tonight. Your hat is fantastic, you dress oh-so-fitted well, and your nose simply completes the look." He commented, gallantly.

Instead of blushing, the woman turned her smile into one of complete distaste. Unexpectedly, she yelled at him.

"That's my real nose, you asshole!" the blonde screamed. The girl stormed away, leaving a confused Kakashi, who could hear giggling from the trio across the street.

Sighing, the Copy-nin began making his way back to his post, where his students were practically howling with laughter. How was he supposed to know it was real? She was so pretty, except for that! He had just assumed it was part of the costume…

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Whatever. Maybe he'd volunteer for Valentine's Day, too, since he obviously had no luck with the ladies.

* * *

Oh, Kakashi, I just keep making fun of you, don't I?

-Kiwi


End file.
